


dildarts

by orphan_account



Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series)
Genre: Dildos, Gen, Short and Definitely Cracky, This Is STUPID, i like that thats already a tag lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-09
Updated: 2019-12-09
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:08:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21733510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: inspired by a review of a dildo i was looking at last night, and yes that is all you need to know
Relationships: (only if you squint) - Relationship, Alastor & Angel Dust (Hazbin Hotel), Alastor/Angel Dust (Hazbin Hotel)
Kudos: 245





	dildarts

**Author's Note:**

> uh... check [this post on tumblr](https://strawberry-whore.tumblr.com/post/189572888729/i-was-just-casually-browsing-lovehoney-last-night) for the context

Angel has had a trying day. After a very long and demanding filming session and then a meeting with Val, the allure of his bed at the hotel is perhaps stronger than usual. Soft, downy pillows, a firm mattress that’ll take all the weight off of his overtired muscles, fluffy blankets and Fat Nuggets acting like his own personal radiator. He sighs, stepping out of Val’s limo and thanks the driver with a wink and an exaggerated kiss to the cheek (accepted with a dark blush and narrowed eyes, to Angel’s delight) before pushing open the hotel doors with as much style as his aching wrists can manage.

Vaggie turns a disgruntled look to him as the doors slam behind him, the noise seemingly startling her and Charlie out of whatever conversation they were having.

Looking around, he notices a lack of a certain static-y demon, and his immediate thought is of the way his red eyes almost seemed to glisten the other night when they landed on Fat Nuggets in the garden as Angel gave him some carrots and let him have a wander.

“Hey toots, where’s Al?” His voice sounds a little hoarse but there’s still a sharp enough edge to convey how dire the situation is.

“Haven’t seen him in a while, hopefully he’s keeping out of trouble.” Vaggie answers, sounding bored (probably of him), but it’s enough for him to panic.

Thanking his long legs, he runs up the stairs to his room as quickly as he can, trying not to think of his lovely little pig as tonight’s dinner.

The door swings open, and there’s a loud squeal of shock, and initially there’s relief that Nugg Nuggs is still alive, then panic because of how scared he sounds, then confusion when he trots over to Angel and nudges his leg with his snout. “Oh. Hey buddy…?” The pig snuggles into Angel’s chest when he picks him up, snuffling gently, and very much _not_ roasted on a spit.

And then his eyes land squarely on the Radio Demon, arm frozen in the air, a large, neon green, spiked dick in his hand, poised like he’s about to throw it at the wall. His eyes seem huge, sharp toothy grin wavering slightly at being caught in whatever this situation is.

Silence. Angel follows the stretch of his arm to the opposite wall and raises an eyebrow at the array of his dildos sticking out from it, like a lewd art piece in a gallery. There’s more of them dotted haphazardly on the floor below, like some kind of cock carnage.

“Al, what the fuck?”

“I can explain,” the demon in question says, static louder than usual and chopping up his words. “… Well actually maybe I can’t.” He drops the dildo he’s currently holding back into Angel’s toy chest, and brings his arms behind his back. If he’s trying to make himself look less guilty than a deer in the headlights caught desecrating a corpse, well, it doesn’t work.

But Angel can’t help but laugh; trust Alastor to find some way to use dildos for something completely non-sexual. “I hope you didn’t hit Nuggets-”

He’s interrupted by a loud ‘thwack’ of one of the dildos peeling off the wall and landing head up on the floor, prompting him into yet another confused fit of laughter. It’s just too stupid.

“Get out,” Angel cuts himself off with a laugh, wiping the tears away from his eyes with a spare arm. “Of my room, you weirdo.”

Saying no more, but looking thoroughly embarrassed (and maybe a little tittered by Angel’s own laughter), Alastor slips past him and disappears downstairs, making some bullshit excuse about what he was doing to Charlie when she asks what he’s been up to.

“Well, guess I have to clean up this game of dildarts.” Angel chuckles to himself as he lets Nuggets onto his bed and begins tidying.

**Author's Note:**

> yeet


End file.
